The Working Through It Part

DISCLAIMER:

I AM SAYING AND DOING THIS FOR ME AND NO ONE ELSE BUT ME

These are my thoughts, feelings, and no one else's. If anything in

this post offends you, then I encourage you to seek guidance or take a hike,

because this woman is all out of fucks to give. (By the way, if you don't like

cussing, these posts aren't for you. I cuss, therefore I am)

    Letting toxic things go is extremely hard. Letting toxic things go when a child is involved is even more difficult. Your instantaneous go-to is - KILL! React, because you are being gaslit. I'm going to point out a few things about superficial, unfulfilled, people that are absolutely fucking CLUELESS. 

DID YOU KNOW?

 

"Despite some people's air of superiority or aura of

invincibility, deep down most of them feel flawed, unworthy, illegitimate, and

empty. Because these inadequacies terrify them, they seek to disguise, deny, or

fill the void. They expect others to admire and cater to them. If their

expectations aren't met they can become enraged."

 

HOW ABOUT THIS?

 

"When these people are terrified of feeling flawed,

powerless, ordinary, or a failure, then as a result, they will become very good

at their “game” of appearing perfect, powerful, special, and successful."

 

THERE'S MORE...

 

"Some are obviously manipulative while others operate in

stealth, using gas lighting and other subtle techniques to make you doubt

yourself. Some portray themselves as victims or martyrs while others pose as

larger-than-life and all-powerful."

"Because they cannot provide for themselves a sense of worth and self-esteem, they must seek it from others. Their dysfunction sets them up to use others. If you get in their way, they will likely use you."

 BUT...

    Because of my personal experience & ability to SEE MYSELF and know that the behavior is NOT healthy is what's going to help me get to the best chapter of my life. I've said this before, and that's the last time I'm saying it. Words are meaningless and actions are EVERYTHING. Patterns are WARNINGS of something (potentially) dangerous to you or someone/thing else, remember that.

     You can try to change your external appearance all you want; it's not gonna change the fact that you are internally empty and in some cases an absolute disgrace. Don't get me wrong, self-care is vital to one's health (another thing I've learned), but, there is a MAJOR difference between that and being NOTHING. (Truth hurts)

     

    Dye your hair, cut it, get tattoos, buy new shoes every other week, completely change your OUTER identity down to even your “nickname”. None of that nonsense will change who you REALLY are. Until you really see, you will remain lost.

    You see, the difference about ME is that I can SEE, FEEL, UNDERSTAND, have EMPATHY, APOLOGIZE, admit fault, and take RESPONSIBILITY for MY actions and behaviors. There is one thing that has never changed about me and that is my given name and nickname. I am Jennifer, or as most of you know Retro girl. Retro Girl has been A LOT of things in the last 24 years (when I earned my nickname)… but she has always been Retro Girl. I may not have been proud to say those names a couple of times throughout my life, but you know what? Fuck that, I own everything good or bad that I have done because I am sitting here now and able to IDENTIFY and can DIFFERENTIATE between what's REAL and what is FAKE.

        So regardless of you being a "dinosaur" one year or a "show" the next, you are still EMPTY and unfulfilled, with no real identity other than the fake one you create for your next victim, and that really sucks for you and them. I feel sorry for the INNOCENTS that are going to be hurt and abandoned in your wake. I pray that you will eventually see that no one but YOU will be able to fix or change anything about yourself, and until you are able to recognize that, and have the personal courage to change it, It will remain the same. It will not come easy, but nothing worth a damn in this world does.

 

    I thank my creator for allowing me to have the ability to see it and learn from it, and with some strict rules, get way past it, It's time.

 

      I've been on a personal journey of self-discovery for the better part of half my life, LOL. I had and STILL have so much to work on. The past two years have been the most challenging 2 years (more so this last one) of my life. I have mentally seen the DARKEST places someone can go in their own mind and somehow am still here to talk about it. I have been through some pretty horrible shit, but NOTHING  as horrible as literally watching my child go through some of the same fucking things I did and didn't believe/see/own/take responsibility for it until it was too late. That kills me more than anything does.

 

   Guess what; not all hope is lost! It's not too late! The best is yet to come. Our world as a whole is going through something of which humanity in a WHOLE has never seen or gone through before. We are literally living in a simulation. Almost as if we are in that movie 'Pitch Black' and only ONE person can actually see the obstacles that we have to overcome and guide the rest of humanity to peace and prosperity.

 

    We are so much more than our physical-selves, and there is so much more out there for us than what we are accepting as our reality right now. True evil does exist; I've personally looked it in the eyes a few times. Please, if you can take away anything from my personal experience; I hope that it's strength and hope and KNOWING that the best is yet to come. TRUE FREEDOM is A LOT of RESPONSIBILITY, and it's time we collectively stand up and own it! Take back your power and find your true self. TRUST YOUR GUT! FIGHT BACK and NEVER ALLOW FEAR TO CONTROL YOU AGAIN! Lead by example and not empty words and most importantly, hold yourself ACCOUNTABLE.

 

    Thanks for reading this far, and if you really did get this far, know that there is still HOPE and REAL LOVE in this world. David Icke once said, "Infinite love is all there is, everything else is illusion."

It's true (not conspiracy)

Follow your heart, not your emotions,

 Retro Girl

Jennifer